The moment from a NIDA mentor that changed how I think about being “nice” as a creative

There’s a kind of niceness that gets praised in creative spaces. It looks like professionalism. Being easy to work with. The person who doesn’t rock the boat. 

And yes absolutely, that is sometimes a genuinely good quality.

But I’ve learned there’s another version of “nice” that quietly drains the power out of your work. The version where you stay agreeable, polite, safe, and you edit yourself before you’ve even made a choice.

I still remember a moment at NIDA which was a paradigm shift for me in this area. Self tape master and wonderful acting coach Les Chantery came to work with our class. 

He asked a question, and instead of jumping in with a response, everyone waited, quietly, like good students. It felt polite and it also felt timid.

Les clocked it immediately. We were being “nice” in a way that was actually self protection. Waiting for permission, trying not to push, trying not to take up space, trying not to risk being wrong.

And his message was basically: that’s not going to serve you.

He said you need to speak up, show up, be brave and bold. Not performative bold, not loud for the sake of it, but bold enough to be seen. Bold enough to put your idea forward, to take a creative swing and let it land, even if it doesn’t land perfectly. Because great work is not made by people who are constantly trying to be palatable.

And this is where it can feel hard. Especially if you’re a non-confrontational, people pleaser like me. A lot of us have learned to associate niceness with goodness. Calm and accommodation = good. Being direct might be too much.

It’s subtle conditioning and in a creative career, it can be self-sabotage.

What helped to soften this message, is that Les joked that if we’re afraid of coming across as dickheads, that we don’t need to worry. We’re all already too nice, that’s just not going to happen. We’re so far down the ‘nice’ end that we couldn’t be jerks if we tried. So don’t be passive because you’re afraid you’ll come across as aggressive.

As an acting coach, Les is very big on the fact that actors must inhabit a ‘strong point of view’. This is the antithesis to politeness. Brashness, opinionated, unapologetic - this is what works on the screen.

And I have realised that some of these traits are actually very useful in real life too. Our work requires decisions, and taste. We need to drive the stories we care about. The nicer & quieter we are, the more we dull our own voices.

So if you’re like me, (although truthfully you don’t need my permission), here is a little push to take up your space. Not to be rude, or aggressive, or to push people aside — but to be clear, to be heard and to make a difference as an artist.

That day at NIDA stuck with me because it empowered me to use my voice, without being afraid of hurting others in the process. I can be respectful and powerful, at the same time. And so can you.