Life as an Allergy Mum

Cooking for a family? Talk about mental load.

If you’re the person who does the planning, the shopping, the unpacking, the cooking - you’re already shouldering a huge load to keep your family fed and healthy.

When you add in allergies, intolerances or picky eaters, cooking a meal can become a bit of a mindf*ck - excuse my French.

In our home, we are contending with a range of food allergies, which meant that learning how to feed a family became an unexpectedly steep learning curve.

My eldest is allergic to eggs, dairy, peanuts, cashews, pistachios, hazelnuts and walnuts. He also started with a barramundi allergy, but he has “graduated” that one - a win I will happily celebrate. My husband has a gluten intolerance. My youngest is allergic to sesame and has a cow’s milk protein intolerance (CMPI) which, because I am breastfeeding him, has also meant that I have had to strictly cut dairy out of my diet.

So while I’d love to cook one meal that everybody in my house could eat, the reality is more like four slightly different versions. Dinner is not a casual, chuck-it-in-the-pan situation. It’s closely reading labels, washing hands, separate utensils, and me doing the mental maths of who can touch what, and when.

Starting solids didn’t help my nerves either. You get told to introduce allergens early, before 12 months, and if you have risk factors like eczema and family history, it can make you feel like you are on a clock. Balance the advice, and the fear of reactions is not easy. 

Allergies are just part of life now. Both my kids have serious food allergies.

How we found out

We found out the scary way, which is also the normal way. We gave them the food.

We started tiny. One eighth of a teaspoon of egg. Within five minutes, my son cried, hives and red marks popped up around his mouth, and he started madly scratching the back of his head and the backs of his hands - clearly very uncomfortable. Those early reactions were not the worst we have seen, but watching your six-month-old baby suffer, even “mildly”, is still awful.

After a few reactions, we booked an allergist. The allergies were confirmed with a skin prick test.
My tips - distract them while they do the test. The pricks aren’t painful, but the kids do need to stay still-ish, and if a reaction occurs, they ideally need to not scratch the spots, so that the allergist can get an accurate reading. I breastfed my son, we watched a bit of Bluey which he was pretty obsessed with, because we hadn’t done much screen time at that age, and he was pretty fine with the whole thing.
I, on the other hand, was quietly melting down - but that’s another story.

Solids were also a slow burn for us. We had a few false starts, and the food had made him uncomfortable, so he grew suspicious of it.

If you’re battling to get your bub to talk solids, allergies or not, just know that he really only had his first convincing tastes of solids at about nine months, and even then, wasn’t fully eating 3 meals until well after age one. Even with that, he is a great eater now! Try not to stress. Some kids just take longer to warm up. They won’t go off to school on breastmilk alone.

What a reaction can look like (mum version, not doctor version)

I have ZERO medical training, but I have seen more reactions than I can count - so take this the way it’s meant: mum to mum support, and not as a substitute for medical advice.

With IgE-mediated allergies (the anaphylactic type), reactions usually show up within minutes. Hives often start small and round, like mosquito bites, and they are intensely itchy. They can spread and get bigger, especially with scratching, or if the reaction is stronger.

Babies cannot tell you their throat feels funny, so they show you in other ways. They cry, scratch, get suddenly distressed, and you can feel the room change

There is another type of allergy called FPIES, which my son has had too, where the reaction can be delayed, and involves the biggest vomit you have ever seen, two to four hours after eating.

Once the allergies were confirmed, we started carrying two EpiPens everywhere.

Sounds dramatic, but thankfully, while we have come very close, we have never had to actually use them.
What you’re watching for is impacted breathing. Hives are horrible, but on their own they’re not usually life-threatening. They can be an early sign of something worse, though, so keep an eye out for drooling, coughing, a hoarse voice or cry, noisy breathing, and any swelling of the tongue.

For hives, we have used an antihistamine like Telfast. The liquid comes with a syringe like kids' Panadol, and it usually works within 15 to 20 minutes. We have occasionally needed a second dose, but one generally does it. 

What cooking looks like here

Cross-contamination is the real enemy. I keep allergens separate, wash boards and knives thoroughly, and use separate utensils for cooking and serving, plus separate baking dishes where I can. I wash my hands with warm water and soap constantly, sometimes three or four times in one meal if I am handling an allergen. Hand sanitiser is not enough to remove the protein. Wipes aren’t perfect, but they are better than nothing.

The good news is my kids are not fussy eaters, which saves us. A lot.

We’re now working our way through a desensitization program for both my kids, where we give them small amounts of their allergens in a form that they can tolerate, with the goal to help them eventually “graduate”. If you’d like to know more about this, shoot me a message.

If you are hosting someone with allergies

Even if you think you know what someone is allergic to, message and confirm. That small check-in makes people feel safe.

If they bring their own food, don’t be offended. It’s not personal. They just do not want to risk a reaction and derail the whole event

If people are eating from a communal table, separate serving utensils for each dish help. If you can, let the allergy people serve themselves first. For kids' parties, suggesting parents bring a safe slice of cake or treat means their child still gets to have that birthday-cake moment.

And if you have time, the little ingredient signs next to dishes are honestly amazing.

If you are new to this and it feels like a lot, feel free to reach out. I’m always happy to help other mums, because I remember those early days and how stressful they can feel.